The truth about traveling with anxiety

Those who know me well know that I hate nothing more than being sick to my stomach. Don't worry... Im not sick as of now. However this fear of sickness can consume me completely until guess what.... I'm sick.

Those who know me well would tell you I'm afraid of flying. I hate take off, I LOVE landings (cause that means you get to get off the plane). What really freaks me out is the fact that there are barf bags in the seat back pockets. When there are enough vomit incidents that one must have barf bags present I normally say count me out... But before you say Jenna.... why on earth are you doing this let me tell you about the last 52 hours of my life.

We woke up on saturday morning to check in for our afternoon flight only to realize it had already flown. What do you do? Well we payed a hefty fee and rebooked for the next day. We went to the airport for our flight and realized we now have a 10 hour layover in the busiest airport in the world.

We don't sleep

We don't sleep some more

We flip over a million times while continuing not to sleep until we got up at 3AM to make our way over to the gate at the farthest side of the giant airport.

We boarded the plane only to realize that being booked last minute means you end up with two seats next to the isle in the very back of the plane. Let me add that the plane itself is much to small to be considered a long haul airplane.

We took off. It's smooth for a while until a teenage american mission tripper runs to the back of the plane holding in her barf. I'm sorry if any one else out there is grossed out by such things but this story must be told. Also... why the crap would you run out of your seat without a barf bag!! The flight attended made the girl sit on the floor next to my seat while she grabs the dreaded barf bag out of my seat back pocket. You can see where this is going.

2 Hours Later

We started experiencing some cultural differences. The line by the bathroom began to que up about eight people long. That is when the turbulence happened. I'm talking Sahara Desert storm sized turbulence.... and the teenage girl runs to the back of the plane where I'm getting my personal space terribly invaded only to make her way through to inform the flight flight attendant she was going to vomit....

STAY IN YOUR SEAT!

SO all this happens for a long time.... a five hour flight felt like 10 hours of chaos and yet.... I held myself together.

You see I do that. I hold myself together in the moment....

But now that we are here I feel the fear

I feel the exhaustion in my skin and stomach

I feel the turbulence in my bones

and the sickness.... I feel that in my mind.

I feel it so much that I don't want to eat here because I will get sick.

I have a tendency to panic, and I have a tendency not to tell anyone about it.

That is why I'm writing, not to gain your sympathy or pity but to tell you that I am scared. I need you to know. I need you to know because I've been scared that if I tell people, I'm not strong enough.

so here I am, emotionally naked, crying, and exhausted telling you I'm having that moment every says you will have while traveling,

I wan't to go home.

But we chose the long way. so thats the way we are going to go.